Relationships

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!

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IMG_1001“O Come, O Come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel. Who mourns in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appear. Rejoice, Rejoice, Emmanuel. And ransom captive Israel.”

We often forget that we need a savior. Lured by our modern culture to think that we are our own creators, we forget that we are held in the palm of another’s hand. We are imperfect, we are flawed, broken, frail, ignorant, and selfish. We are embarrassed by all of these things. Admitting our frailties to others, even to ourselves, is painful. Like an injured dog we seek to hide from our soul’s injuries in dark corners, biting anyone who comes near, even those who offer a healing hand. We refuse to accept the truth, we close our eyes to the light, we turn inward in our sins.

Because of this, God sent us a Savior. He lowered Himself to bring us closer. He came to us, not as a conqueror at the head of an army; but as an innocent, tender, defenseless child. It may be easy to turn away from Jesus and his teachings if we only ever knew him as a man. In John’s Gospel we know this to be the case:

John 6: 60-70

“Then many of his disciples who were listening said, “This saying is hard; who can accept it?”

Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, “Does this shock you?

What if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before?
It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh* is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.
But there are some of you who do not believe.” Jesus knew from the beginning the ones who would not believe and the one who would betray him.
And he said, “For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by my Father.”
As a result of this, many [of] his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him.
Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?”
Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.
We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

Many of the disciples left the man, Christ, when his teachings seemed to them too hard to follow. What if they knew him as a babe? What if they had received him in his infancy? Held him in their arms, fed him at table, changed his diapers, protected him from wolves? Would they be so quick to cast him aside in his adulthood? Would they not be more readily willing to listen to his words, no matter how hard they are to hear? Is the care for a child not hard? Isn’t the responsibility of raising and protecting an infant a great challenge? Let us prepare ourselves to receive the child Christ into our lives so that we may know him for completely. When Christ comes to us will our hearts be closed to him as the inn was closed to his parents? Or will he find a warm and welcoming place? If we know him and care for him as a child, it shall show us what we are capable of doing when we face even greater challenges in listening to the man, Christ, our Savior.

May God bless you this Christmas, these coming holy days, and may you welcome him into your hearts. Care for the child, listen to the man.

God’s Peace be with you!

Be a Man! Play with dolls?

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There is a lot of faux masculinity promoted in our society. One area in which this rears its ugly head is how many people oppose young boys playing with dolls, kitchen sets, shopping, dancing and various other so-called feminine activities. I take issue with this for many reasons. First, I was given a Cabbage Patch doll when I was only two or three years old. I had six sisters and three brothers growing up. We were expected to play together. My sisters wanted to play house, play with dolls, and play in the toy kitchen so my brothers and I were expected to play too. None of these activities detracted from my masculinity. If anything, it enhanced it. These times of play helped me understand healthy male-female relationships. It taught me not to demean or think that household chores were below my dignity as a man. It taught me how to nurture children, to play with them, soothe them, care for them. Playing with dolls actually helped me be a better man, and I believe it will one day result in me being a better father (as I do not currently have any children of my own).

Why is it important to allow young boys to play with dolls? Think about the status of families in the United States these days. Households are wrought with absent fathers. Now, there are many causes for this but a major cause is the lack of manhood in men; a lack of responsibility in men. Men have ceased to be taught how to put other people’s needs first. They have been raised to be selfish and have not learned how to sacrifice for others. They have not learned how to have healthy relationships with women. They have not learned how to chip in at home. They have not learned how to cooperate with others, particularly the mother of their child and/or children.

What better time to begin to instill the virtues needed for lifelong commitment in marriage and fatherhood than in a boy’s childhood. If we teach boys that men can do laundry, do the dishes, learn to sew, take care of children, change diapers, read to babies, clean the house they will be better prepared for manhood, for family life. Afterall, men living in monastic communities must do all of these tasks, are monks any less manly than others? Try telling Saint Moses the Black that he wasn’t masculine enough. 🙂

My dad is a “man’s man.” He grew up a farmer,  entered the Army in the 60’s, returned home and joined the local volunteer fire department, drove semi-trucks, worked in a factory, renovated our house room by room down to the studs (teaching us vital carpentry skills, my brothers and sisters alike). My dad also could hand stitch better than my mom, a skilled amateur seamstress herself. Dad changed diapers, washed dishes, folded laundry, rocked children to sleep, and scrubbed toilets. Dad did not oppose my brothers and I playing with dolls or playing house. He also did not oppose to my sisters playing outdoors in the dirt, learning how to swing a hammer, or bait a hook. Lest we forget about Saint Joan of Arc and her break with societal  norms of her day (and even into our own time). There were no “women’s jobs” and “man’s jobs” there were only jobs to be done for the support of the family. There was work to be done in order to support and sustain the family and both boys and girls were expected to do it. Dad helped us all learn true masculinity by ensuring that we did not impose false definitions about what it means to be a man. Instead he taught us how to love, sacrifice, forgive, persevere, fidelity, and honesty by his actions and the lessons he taught us.

There are clear differences between men and women. There are clear distinctions that must be made with regards to femininity and masculinity and cannot be ignored. Men and women compliment each other, they cannot be confused as being the “same.” However, we must be careful not to impose artificial social-constructs or stereotypes on femininity and masculinity. Doing so creates problems in many areas of life, perhaps none more than marriage and family life.

So, I simply ask, if your son or nephew comes out of the toy room carrying a doll, take the time to show him how to hold it right and care for the imaginary infant, rather than tell him to go put it away. Maybe even sit down and help show him how to make supper for the family in the imaginary kitchen. You just might help restore marriage and family life in our world.

It is truly poverty!

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Blessed Teresa of Calcutta challenged us all when she said: “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.” We ought not limit this simply to the issue of abortion. Our society promotes placing personal desires above the needs and dignity of children, born and unborn.
We balk at the idea of feeding the poor with food stamps but we have no problem wasting money on a $7 Starbucks cup of coffee or dropping thousands of dollars on the newest car, biggest television, or, sadly, the hundreds and even thousands of dollars of food we each throw out every year. Children in our world die because we are selfish. I am just as guilty as many in wasting or not giving more, I too am responsible.
We have commodified children via parenthood. We talk about what we “want” in a child; we have expectations of the kind of child we will have, the way our child will look, act, speak, etc. We impose premature “dreams” on parenthood and the childhood of children. We do not accept children for the gift they are, accepting them as they come to us, we want to accept them on our own terms, not on God’s.
Too many children are tossed out, as if they were trash; forced to languish in foster care and orphanages, wondering if anyone will ever want them. There are so many children in this world that need homes, and there are so many couples in this world desiring to love a child. Why do so many children remain, then, in foster care and orphanages? Sadly, we are caught up in our own biologism. How fitting it would be to unite the pain of not being able to have a child with the pain of a child who is without a family; much like we are called to unite our earthly pain with that of Christ upon the Cross. This union of pain can have a redeeming quality and show all involved the beauty of hope and the active reality of love.
Unfortunately, society has sold couples on the idea that their pain can be solved by applying science so that they can have children that will “really” be theirs; as if genetics is the only means to make a family. We have now begun the process of manufacturing children in labs because we want something that is “ours” biologically; keeping the ones we find have the most preferred qualities, and discarding those that are “imperfect” or have qualities that are “undesirable.” These rejected children (science labels them embryos) are then relegated to the prisons of fertility clinic freezers, or worse, dissected in the name of science. The pain that is very real in not being able to have children by ordinary means, as painful and agonizing as that pain is, cannot justify the unjust consequences of Invitro Fertilization, which is the creation of children to be abandoned or experimented on.
We must reeducate ourselves on the dignity of the human person, especially children. It truly is a poverty, and a crime, that children must suffer and/or die so that we can live as we wish. So that we can satisfy our “wants” and self-serving desires instead of serving others. We must do better to protect life from womb to tomb. We must do better at respecting the dignity of all persons, regardless of their circumstances.

Hope in the Young

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I hear, see, read, people bemoaning how “bad” it is getting in our world. I know that evil exists in the world. I know bad things happen. I know there are millions suffering. But, I am hopeful. I am hopeful for humanity because of stories like this. Young men who have barely entered their teens, act with profound love towards a young man who, by many of our throwaway society’s standards, does not deserve a chance. This brought tears to my eyes and I hope it can teach us all a lesson in love and sacrifice.  Click Here to See this Middle School Football Team’s Big Play!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/31/olivet-middle-school-football-play_n_4182924.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

What would you do? E:60 – Perfect

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An alpha male: fighter pilot, marathoner, FBI agent; the epitome of the “perfect” man physically and intellectually. Then he finds out his daughter will be born with Down Syndrome and pressures his wife to have an abortion, she refuses. This is what saints are made of, they are not perfect, but they open themselves up to the redemptive act of Christ. His wife refused to abort and his life was changed forever. This story is beautiful. 9 out of 10 children diagnosed prenataly with Down Syndrome are aborted. Perhaps this family’s story can help prevent the abortions of children that are not considered “perfect” by our materialistic society.